N.B. (19 years old)

            I struggled with the thought of dying for a long time. I knew that I was going to die someday and I was extremely afraid of it. At times, I would become so fearful of dying that I would just break down and cry. During high school I got involved in various drugs. These drugs made me feel good for a time, but they never did anything to heal the pain and the emptiness that I had on the inside. In fact, when I would do these drugs they would heighten my fearful thoughts of dying. I literally believed that someday I would cease to exist. I struggled with this for years. I could not comprehend not existing, I just couldn’t. “No matter what!” I thought, “I have to exist! There just isn’t any way I can’t not exist. I have to be somewhere, right?!” I would often think this to myself. I was convinced that when I died I would cease to exist. I thought that just like a plant or an animal dies, that’s it; I’m only dust, and when this is over that’s it. This was very sorrowful for me.

            I had been to church as a kid, and had even read a lot of literature, including psychology, poetry, and philosophy, but none seemed to give me an exact answer of the meaning of all of this. I desperately wanted to know the truth. I came to the conclusion that I must live my life to the absolute fullest; I had a strong desire to study and to learn as much as I possibly could, so that hopefully I would be remembered someday by other people after I died. I wanted to do something that no one has ever done before, something very great. However, even then I knew that even if I did something totally amazing, that I would cease to be remembered after several hundred years. No matter how hard I tried, and no matter how hard I searched, I just couldn’t seem to find the answer. I remember crying out in absolute hopelessness, with tears running down my face. I knew that there had to be a God; in fact I did not doubt that at all. However, I figured that a God so awesome, who could create this universe with all its amazing complexities would for no reason at all want to have anything to do with me. I mean, why would someone so great and mighty want anything to do with me, as small as insignificant as I seem in comparison to the entire universe... you know?

            Well, it was Easter Sunday in the year 2006, and my friend’s dad had invited me to come to their church, which was and still is pastored by Greg & Terri Nies (founders of Cutting Edge International Ministries). I usually only went to church on holidays, or if I was forced to by my parents, but this time I figured “Why not... I’ll go just to be nice. I mean, it’s Easter anyway, why not, you know?” But when I walked in to the church I knew something was different. For some odd reason, the people were genuinely nice. They seem interested in me, they were sociable, and they all shook my hand with kindness. Growing up, it had always been pretty easy to tell whether or not people were being sincere to me, and these people were. I couldn’t figure it out; most of the people I knew that went to church did so just to look good to others, or just to appease their consciences, or because their parents made them. I didn’t see the point in church, other than for charities or social purposes. I just thought that all religions, though they were commendable to some extent, were not the answer to what I was searching for. But I respected them nonetheless.

            Anyway, after we were seated, and the service began, I sensed that something was different in the atmosphere. The people leading the worship actually seemed to be enjoying what they were singing. They also seemed very sincere. I respected that, but I figured, “Well, that’s probably all they’ve known their whole life, so this is what they do...” However, when the pastor got up to share the message, it was different from anything I had ever heard. He explained the Bible in a new, fresh way to me; in a way that I had never heard. I always had thought that the Bible was a book so far out there that the only way to understand it was to have someone else interpret it for you. I had never actually read it for myself. However, this pastor told me that I could read it for myself and that God was speaking to me directly as an individual. He told me that God loves me for who I am, regardless of what mistakes I have made. I learned that Jesus wasn’t just a famous religious figure, but the actual manifestation of God in human flesh, who willingly laid down his life, so that we can have eternal life, as a free gift. I had never heard that before. I thought, if Heaven even existed at all, that the only way to get there was to go to church all the time and that it was up to God to decide (or in other words, you couldn’t know for sure that you were going to Heaven, but you were just taking a chance)... However, I learned that eternal life is a free gift, that God paid for by shedding His own blood, and that it is available for every person. We just have to choose to receive it.

            The pastor also walked us through the scriptures and showed us different things the Lord had said; things I had never heard before, such as Romans 10:9, which says, “If you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead you shall be saved.” and John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish, but will have everlasting life.” These scriptures surprised me, and I was interested and wanted to learn more...

            At the end of the service, that pastor called for those who wanted to accept Jesus as  their Lord and Savior to raise their hands and then to come forward. He then led us in the sinners’ prayer and I asked Jesus to come into my heart. From that moment on I knew something was different. Somehow, I knew that I knew that I knew, on the inside of me, that I was going to live forever, and that when I died I was going to go to Heaven. I wouldn’t cease to exist after all! It was the most awesome thing I have ever experienced. I no longer had a fear of dying. It was absolutely incredible. However, I left the church service that Sunday think that now that I was saved, it didn’t matter what I did. In other words, I went back to living how I had before, and for a short time continued to participate in drugs and other ungodly activities. However, now things were different. There were several times that in the middle of doing different immoral things that I knew on the inside that what I was doing was wrong. I couldn’t explain it, and I had never even had those thoughts before. I never thought of drugs and immorality as being wrong. All I knew was that they made me feel good, and if it felt good, i thought it must be right. But I was very wrong.

            The scripture says in Romans 6:1 “So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not!” It took me some time to realize that, by my sinful actions, what I was doing was saying to Jesus that I didn’t care about Him, I just wanted the free gift of salvation and that was it. After I began to read the Bible for myself, I learned that the things of the flesh such as lust, drugs, pornography, and wrong words and attitudes had to be crucified, by the power of the spirit, and that they were displeasing to God. I learned that what life is really about is developing a personal relationship with God, which has absolutely nothing to do with religion.

            Through a process of time, God has brought me a long way; much further than I ever thought I could go. My greatest desire is to do His will, so that other people’s lives can be touched; something I never thought I would have been interested in. Believe me, if you had met me three years ago, and then you met me now, you would not believe that it was the same person. God has truly changed my life, and I know that He wants to do the same thing for you, no matter who you are, and no matter what you’ve done. God is a forgiving God. He is a loving God, and He loves you. Regardless of what anyone says. If you ask Him to forgive you, He will, and you can experience His love in your life right now. I know this is true because I have experienced it for myself. God bless you, and may you realize that He loves you and wants to have a personal relationship with you.

The Bible says “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord (Jesus) will be saved.” (Joel 2:32, Acts 2:21). If you would like to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, simply pray this prayer and believe it with all of your heart.

            Dear Lord Jesus,

                     I know that I am a sinner. Please forgive me for all of my sins. Come into my                     heart, Lord Jesus. Be my Lord and Savior. I renounce the past. I renounce the                      devil and everything he stand for. Take my life, Lord Jesus, and do something                      with it. I give myself to you.

                                    In Jesus’ name,

                                                Amen.

If you just prayed that prayer, you are now born again! Please either write, e-mail, or call us and let us know the awesome decision you have just made! God bless you!